pages numbered are days numbered.

when do we learn?

i demand an answer.

im 31 years old and i have myself figured out but not those around me. i know me and only me. i know what makes me feel better and when there is no way to feel better i know to shut myself out from the rest of the world for fear that the sickness will spread, i know that im afraid of certain things that others search their whole life to attain and hold on to and i know that i have a problem with letting go. my mom says i care too much but most of my significant others would argue that point. sometimes i feel like i got it all together and sometimes i don't. chapters open and then they close and then new chapters start again. ive decided to boycott these chapters, to destroy the book. i wanna tear the pages out, curse at them and then light them on fire, i just wish i could think of something destructive to do to the ashes. i love this book but i want to set it ablaze. be less predictable, make new friends, learn a new language. i want to start over.

screw the book
screw the characters
and
screw the readers.

i draw drunk bunnies.

only the best

today i bought a gun. a glock 17, the internet said its perfect for killing a man. with this gun i purchased some 9mm bullets, the internet also had nice things to say about the stopping power of said bullets. i drew faces and wrote names on each bullet and loaded them into the clip in alphabetical order....

i had a dream once.

and so we travel through the hot and the cold of this once great wasteland all for the enjoyment of the ever fickle masses. we dance, we fight, we sing, we play, we bleed and we die. all for the hope that a mark will be made. an ember left behind that will spark a flame that once fed will become a fire. a fire that will consume the ignorant glutinous packs of two legged beasts of burden. all for the love of strangers, the joys of a future built of glass.

no thanks.... ill walk

"are you afraid of flying?"... are you kidding me... of course i'm afraid of flying. we as human beings have no business being up in the clouds. its hard for me to describe the experience of flying. its child like wonder and awe inspiring glances out of that 12 x 8 little plastic window shattered by moments of sheer terror when you hit a pocket of air that just doesnt want you to pass through and then you find yourself hastely repenting for all your transgressions to whatever deity you subscribe to for the promise of a safe return to mother earths loving embrace. i wont even go into the horrifying experience of landing on of those giant metal beasts....

no more candy before bed.

i had a dream last night that i was in a crowded room with dim lights and bottles lining the walls. as i passed through the crowd bumping into people i noticed that i was losing a little piece of myself with every gentle graze. "excuse me" they would say, whether from the bump or the seizure of my flesh i could never tell. as the poison consumed me i became less and less complacent of my diminishing form until i was eye level with the spills and the chords and the cheap yet expensive looking shoes.

its everywhere, man.

i walk these streets at night, each sojourn producing a phenomenon more gruesome than the last. i've seen an intellectual eat trash from the side of the road. i've seen a peace loving flower child pissing in a buch next to her favorite late night falafel cart. i've seen better and worse but the thing that revulses me the most most is the ever present mud. its everywhere man. the way it sits on the side of the road like a low income family waiting in lawn chairs with bread bags full of stale homemade popcorn waitng for hours to see a parade that will never come. it soils your shoes and creeps up your pant leg. it waits for you to drunkenly stumble and mark you like a dog pissing on a tree. i long for the sun to bake it so the street sweepers can wash it away but whats the point...... it'll just be back in a couple months anyway.

thoughts on vegas part 1.....

today i contemplated walking into the desert to die, then i realized i didn't have the right shoes. jesus, man. someone could really forget who they are in a town like this, get lost in an ocean of irresponsibility. time means nothing here. the rise and fall of the sun and the moon effect nothing but the passing out of whores trading cards. they encourage you to break every law you know from the real world, this isn't the real world though.... it cant be. in the real world the power bill for a place like this would be too high