strike anywheres are all but extinct.

jackie knows a secret. its a secret about a place. its a place with great trees. great trees with faces, with names. great trees with perfectly voiced opinions. its like being in a classroom full of nay sayers spitting out balanced theories on the state of gravity and its effects on small round fruit and struggling bee colonies. a wealth of knowledge from an army of thumb suckers hell bent on an endless recess. jackie walks like a ghost. astral and non committal, plotting to burn down the forest. purification by fire, the death and silence of the god damn trees with their god damn voices. fortunes and omens are just a hairs breadth away from rubber bands and rocket ships. angry course faces proficising the weather and the all consuming crash that follows. a fall from grace, the grace being ones and zeros with  a few points and currency signs mixed in. names become numbers and numbers turn to ash, the ash composed of atoms as indistinguishable as the next. worms of the earth fight for our remains and we become energy for the sake of decomposition. jackie is a cycle breaker, she sees a working system of heat, gas and electrons contained inside a perfectly formed environment that once initiated produces a reaction that fulfills the wishes of a chain pulling upright mammal also the work of a complex system of meat, bone, nerves and thousands of years of genetic modification. european aspen, potassium chlorate for oxidation, sulfur for combustion, glass powder to condition and animal glue to hold it all together. rub with red phosphorous and the reaction is a small yellow flame. the flame fed with oxygen and malicious intent brings the end. the end of the god damn forest. those god damn trees.

pocket full of smoke bombs, at least thats the idea

chipped black paint with a cold dead air
perfect drinking weather
the illusion of fun in small cardboard boxes filled to the brim with 1x3 blown out muddy omens
vile
flabby
and irrelevant
a full house of insults thrown around haphazardly with a chuckle or two for good measure
habitual intellectuals arguing the finer points of their favorite communist
all the while i try my best not to pay dumb
set your feet
dig in
you started out strong now its time to finish off this performance
it was going so well
it'd be a shame to falter now
darting eyes with the ability to guess age, weight and status of your fertility
its unraveling slowly
but only to your trained eye
one arm at a time
thats the ticket
thats your way out.

"i am heaven sent"

im in a forest and its chasing me.
i can smell its fetid breath.
hear its labored breathing.
i can feel its hunger.
i willed this creature into existance and now i cant seem to will it to rest.
my muscles are tiring.
i cant stop to rest
stopping is capture.
my surroundings are a reflection of my inner doubt.
this god damned mist will be the death of me.
a light comes on.
a warm presence.
a guiding light willing me to take control.
salvation lies within this light.
within me.
we build these things around ourselves.
we are the master.
face it.
stop it.

stop.

end of the world party

omens

theres a black dog starring at me from outside a rainy window

..... for the second time this week.

if it happens again i'm sure to wind up in hell.

sollicitudo est Monasteriense sub nostrum beds

wake up on the floor.
limbs tucked in,
wrapped around my body for warmth,
protection from a chill that isn't there.
people are shuffling by.
stand up.
stretch out the kinks of a body numb from sleep.
look closer at the mass.
they're happy,
sad,
content.
they're normal.
its like a stream of fish.
they're living life,
shooting the breeze,
carrying on.
the instinct is to join in.
catch up.
take a step.
take another.
the impact is teeth rattling.
forward motion violently halted.
look for the reason.
theres nothing there but a sea of normalcy.
take another step.
this one slow and exploratory.
theres is something there.
pupils dilate and iron appears.
its a bar,
connected to a cage,
my cage.
look around.
i need help.
turn to the people.
they're not like me.
i cant call out,
scream.
they'll know.
they'll know you're not one of them.
they'll know you're not normal.
play it safe act natural.
take stock.
theres a cage.
there are people.
i catch glimpses of another cage in small breaks in between the endless parade.
i stifle a shout.
the normal ones cant know.
carrier pigeon,
message in a bottle,
save our ship.
i must know the sins we have committed to be quarantined like this.
composure.
i must control my breathing.
get rid of the erratic heart beat,
the hollowness in the pit of your stomach,
the feeling that your chest is on the brink of explosion.
i see another cage.
i search more and find another.
there are many.
im not alone,
but i am.
its not working,
my heart beat has reached a crescendo.
they can hear it,
taste it,
smell it,
they can see it on my face.
"help me to be like you"
i shout in my head.
i turn around.
i see another cage.
this ones closer.
its a girl.
she's staring at me.
there is fear in her eyes.
her features tremble.
i silently will her to still her beating heart.
these bastards will have her for breakfast if she doesn't control the chemicals in her brain.
the chemicals that separate us from them.
the chemicals that are causing our own bodies to rebel against us.
i cant take it anymore.
neither can she.
i try to shake the bars.
the fear is diluting from her eyes.
the bars don't budge.
i shake harder.
still no play.
i shake longer.
i scream.
i curse.
a boy stops.
he turns
gives me a curios look from a tilted head.
i stop the commotion.
the mother comes back,
gently grabs the boy by the shoulder and gently reinserts him back into the stream.
it hits me then.
we are the unseen.
we are the lost sheep.
we are the ghosts.

"you're good to no one this way"

but its all i know.