"i am heaven sent"

im in a forest and its chasing me.
i can smell its fetid breath.
hear its labored breathing.
i can feel its hunger.
i willed this creature into existance and now i cant seem to will it to rest.
my muscles are tiring.
i cant stop to rest
stopping is capture.
my surroundings are a reflection of my inner doubt.
this god damned mist will be the death of me.
a light comes on.
a warm presence.
a guiding light willing me to take control.
salvation lies within this light.
within me.
we build these things around ourselves.
we are the master.
face it.
stop it.

stop.

end of the world party

omens

theres a black dog starring at me from outside a rainy window

..... for the second time this week.

if it happens again i'm sure to wind up in hell.

sollicitudo est Monasteriense sub nostrum beds

wake up on the floor.
limbs tucked in,
wrapped around my body for warmth,
protection from a chill that isn't there.
people are shuffling by.
stand up.
stretch out the kinks of a body numb from sleep.
look closer at the mass.
they're happy,
sad,
content.
they're normal.
its like a stream of fish.
they're living life,
shooting the breeze,
carrying on.
the instinct is to join in.
catch up.
take a step.
take another.
the impact is teeth rattling.
forward motion violently halted.
look for the reason.
theres nothing there but a sea of normalcy.
take another step.
this one slow and exploratory.
theres is something there.
pupils dilate and iron appears.
its a bar,
connected to a cage,
my cage.
look around.
i need help.
turn to the people.
they're not like me.
i cant call out,
scream.
they'll know.
they'll know you're not one of them.
they'll know you're not normal.
play it safe act natural.
take stock.
theres a cage.
there are people.
i catch glimpses of another cage in small breaks in between the endless parade.
i stifle a shout.
the normal ones cant know.
carrier pigeon,
message in a bottle,
save our ship.
i must know the sins we have committed to be quarantined like this.
composure.
i must control my breathing.
get rid of the erratic heart beat,
the hollowness in the pit of your stomach,
the feeling that your chest is on the brink of explosion.
i see another cage.
i search more and find another.
there are many.
im not alone,
but i am.
its not working,
my heart beat has reached a crescendo.
they can hear it,
taste it,
smell it,
they can see it on my face.
"help me to be like you"
i shout in my head.
i turn around.
i see another cage.
this ones closer.
its a girl.
she's staring at me.
there is fear in her eyes.
her features tremble.
i silently will her to still her beating heart.
these bastards will have her for breakfast if she doesn't control the chemicals in her brain.
the chemicals that separate us from them.
the chemicals that are causing our own bodies to rebel against us.
i cant take it anymore.
neither can she.
i try to shake the bars.
the fear is diluting from her eyes.
the bars don't budge.
i shake harder.
still no play.
i shake longer.
i scream.
i curse.
a boy stops.
he turns
gives me a curios look from a tilted head.
i stop the commotion.
the mother comes back,
gently grabs the boy by the shoulder and gently reinserts him back into the stream.
it hits me then.
we are the unseen.
we are the lost sheep.
we are the ghosts.

"you're good to no one this way"

but its all i know.

it can only be seen in the setting sun. hidden but to those who look.

stop



breathe



you're letting your mind run away from you.

the chemicals are amassing in your brain and your body doesn't know how to  compensate.


your heart beats erratically


breathing becomes labored


the key is rationality

but I'm fresh out

one organ fights the other and we all know who wins.

the one that feels the most pain.


some of us are slaves to it.



i only hope you're a slave to it.

a drunk tank is just a think tank with more b.o.

the sun peeks through the trees like harsh fluorescent light through stainless steel bars.
its morning.
there is a voice in the air.
 it belongs to a blind hyrax with no mouth.
his voice is the wind.
i dont know how he accomplishes it but he is telling me of mans latest invention.
he tells me of a man from Nantucket flying a childs toy with the key to his liquor cabinet attached and with this contraption he harnesses the power from the heavens...

(The tree hyrax is a small nocturnal mammal that is distantly related to elephants and sea cows. They have 4-toed front feet and 3-toed back feet with rounded nails, and rubbery soles that help them climb)

(im still trying to find the chapter on their infatuation with human flesh)





.........sounds like bullshit to me.